


Big Green Thing

by Caro Dee (Caro_Dee)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Voyeurism, hyper masculinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 13:57:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1552892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caro_Dee/pseuds/Caro%20Dee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He desperately hopes he never encounters the Hulk as Tony Stark. He wants the Suit and rocket propulsion between him and that thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Green Thing

Tony stares at it in disbelief. It is inhumanly large. Terrifyingly, "dear god, get that thing away from me!" large. He desperately hopes he never encounters the Hulk as Tony Stark. He wants the Suit and rocket propulsion between him and that thing.

So maybe he is a bit of a size queen and maybe once or twice he's spiced things up in bed with Bruce by imagining the Hulk's big green cock and some primal rage rutting. After all, Bruce may have a huge, sexy brain but his cock is fairly standard. But now that Tony has seen the real thing, he likes Bruce's equipment juuust fine. 

Note to self: When Bruce and he are in bed and the call comes, do not interrupt the sex to rush to the rescue. Make sure Bruce gets off first, then rush to the rescue. No one, but no one, needs to see a sexually frustrated Hulk in action.

After Hulk smashed their latest alien foes with more Hulk rage than usual (which Tony absolutely agreed with. Fighting after coitus interruptus is no fun. Better timing next time, bad guys!), he'd looked around, roared with rage when there was no one left to pound into a damp smear on the sidewalk, and stuck his hand down his shorts to the bulge that had been completely obvious throughout the battle.

With Fury screaming on the comm about the public getting an eyeful, Tony had managed to provoke the Hulk into chasing him all the way to Central Park into a grove of trees that kinda? almost? hid him from view. Then he'd sort of hovered over the general area to keep the idiots as far away as possible. And to stare. A lot.

Hulk has pretty much stopped growling at him with bared teeth and is ignoring his presence, preferring to focus on that tree trunk of a cock jutting out his shorts. Hulk's hands are huge and yet he can barely wrap one around the two-foot-long, dark green monster. Like the rest of the Hulk, it's packed with muscle and vibrating with super-human intensity. Tony dials up the magnification on his visor to check because he swears the prominent veins are actually writhing. It's like the original, primal, uber-cock of all cocks. 

The Hulk's grunts are getting louder and faster and Tony gives even odds on whether he first comes or rips off his own cock in his Hulk-ish enthusiasm. Hulk throws his head back to roar up at the sky and, yup, ladies and gents, Tony can confirm that even the Hulk spunk is green.

He switches on the com because this is too good not to share. "Guys, you are not gonna believe it but I swear his spunk just hit a tree twenty feet away!"

"I believe you, brother. He is a mighty warrior!"

"Yup."

"Me too."

"Staaaark!" That last one is Fury barking and Tony switches off the com before he gets orders that he's not going to follow anyway.

Once the geyser is over with, the Hulk's eyes cross and with a silly, almost sweet grin, he slumps to the ground and falls asleep. Within ten seconds, he is shrinking back down into Bruce Banner, all naked and pink and green goo-splattered. Bruce is going to be so embarrassed when he wakes up.

Tony lands long enough to pick up his boo in a princess carry that he will tease Bruce about _forever_ and heads back to Stark Tower. He'll have to enlist Jarvis to help him distract Bruce from the Internet.

Hmm, maybe he can crash Youtube and keep crashing it until every moron with a phone camera gets that no videos of the happy Hulk are getting uploaded ever.


End file.
